Mary The Jewish Mom!

I always wondered about Jesus and his Jewish Mom.  According to the Jewish Comedy Bible.   Mary should be a more colorful character than what is written in the Holy Bible.

The way she is written about is like she was not really human but a Robotic Type Person with little emotion until the Crucifixion, which should be remembered only every 33 years to cut poor Jesus a break.

First off we learn Mary was a virgin.  OK.  If her personality was anything like she was written up in the Holy Bible that makes a lot of sense.  I can just see this conversation:

Mary:  Joseph.  God sent an angel to me.  I am now pregnant with Gods son.  He is going to save the world and be the Messiah.   Will you still marry me.  I’ll be quiet and pretty much invisible for the rest of the story.

Joseph:  Ok Mary.

Obviously Joseph also needs some Comedy Bible help.  When I say Comedy I really mean more human or a more Jewish responses.

Like maybe:  Joseph:  Oy Vey!  What kind of messugania you think I am?  Well.  The wedding is paid for,  we cannot get a refund so ok!  Your still a virgin right?  Ok.  (My apologies not Jewish; heard the words no idea how to spell them.  Hopefully you will get my meaning in a good way).

Remember when Jesus takes off for three days and Joseph and Mary find him in the temple?  What was that?

Mary:  Jesus.  We have been stressed out looking for you for 3 days.

Jesus replies going about my fathers business.

Which had to confuse Joseph at first because he was a carpenter and was maybe thinking he would get some work.  After Jesus says this the Comedy Bible Mary should have said something like:

Mary:  Where is your hat?  Didn’t you have a hat when you disappeared?  Find your hat and lets go.

I am only saying I think about this sometimes.

 

 

 

 

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Use less re-thinking stuff.

Ideas are not like snowflakes.  There are two alike.  Sometimes more.  Much much more.  Ok.  A real lot.  Inventions are a good example.  That is why the patent idea came to save all the confusion of chicken and egg.  Sorry.  Not in the mood to discuss whatever came first.

That is not what I want to write about.  I was thinking.  Why is it that humans will worship the truth?  In fact the search for the “truth”  has been around since ….. well I guess when someone thought up the idea of truth.   Seemed ok.   What bothers me is that humans are more passionate about lies.  Truth will be noble and a good thing.   Lies on the other hand need to be passionately defended to the death.  Truth never started a war.  Lies did.

Truth is liken to be a necklace of purity or perhaps a  backbone of religion.   Lies are  belts.   Woven to protect the ultimate lie in a holster waiting to be drawn.  Then the lie fires off a  bullet singing, ” I lie to protect truth.”  It is amazing how truth also needs to be protected by……. lies?  I cannot recall if ever truth protected a lie or lies.  If truth be told.  No.  You can tell the truth but truth cannot be told for some reason.  I think?

This all came to me when I just decided to watch a documentary.   I wanted  to find something to satisfy my urge for visual  knowledge.   Yep  my remote and me  thirsty for, not reality TV.   Just catching up on ……  heck.   I was wasting time and bored.

Now I am writing this to.  No one really.  I did also think that after 30 years of life humans start their descent into dementia.  Oddly some neurons spark some knowledge that seems there may be some hope.  Or maybe they are just electrical brain farts.  Old people do that a real lot.  Not just in the brain.

Like the one day I was feeling down and depressed because it was Monday and my miserable week was starting all over again.   My mother noticed my arms dragging on the floor and said.  “Hey!  Just because it’s Monday doesn’t mean you can’t dance!”

Ancient Vacation Hot Spots

A lot of people today are disgusted with traveling.  Long lines, expensive carry on fees, backed up highway traffic.  The list goes on.  Cheer up!  Here are some reminders that all these things are not so bad compared to what the Ancient traveler had to face.

Hey Marcus how was your trip to Egypt?  “Pretty good until this guy Moses showed up!”

Sign posted in Roman Travel Agency:  Pompeii travel now is 1/2 the price.  Free volcano tours.

“Welcome to Atlantis.  Free hip boots are yours for the asking while staying at our fine luxury hovels”.

Viking Boat advertisement.   First class:  Gold or silver accepted.  Second class:  Large animals such as cattle or Hose accepted.  Third class:  4 small animals, for example: Rabbit, chicken, or any animals recently gotten on a hunt.  Working Class:  Experience on oars determines place.  Most experience get first choice.

Ancient travel tip:   Travel when you are young.  When you get back you will be old.

Sign in Egyptian Port of Arrival for ships:  Sorry but the boat leaving Sicily for Cairo  will be delayed for 6 months.

If anyone should die while traveling with us, relatives, friends or self.  The Ancient Travel Agencies will not be responsible for reimbursement.  That includes acts of piracy or crew mutiny’s.   Any person born while traveling will be charged a passenger fee 24 hours after birth.  (Which also is the reason some cabins or rooms are named “Births”  on ships or other conveyances).

If you should come across any other traveling information  for the Ancients you can email me.  Seriously I will probably delete them but if it makes you happy to send me anything go for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

God Almighty

I am not a preacher or any kind of religious type.  I noticed that there are religious conventions that always seem to say the same thing.  So I decided to answer some of questions that drive me to distraction.

Is God alive?  My grandfather answered this for me when I was 7 or 8 while fishing.  He said, “If there was no God we would not be fishing.”  My grandfathers name is Felix which means happy.  So why argue with a happy man.

Why did she/he die so young, in an accident or whatever?  I cannot remember the name but read somewhere that if 1,000 people are born there is a 100% chance that 1,000 people will die.  No guarantees how, when or why.

Is there a heaven and hell?  This depends on where you live.  What religion you want to follow and how much coffee you just drank or what drug you just took that triggered the thought in the first place.

Did Jesus really arise from the dead?  Not really important.   As long as someone believes he did, then he did.  If there is no one left to remember anything about Jesus then he will cease to exist.  As will Mohammad, The Dali Lama and George Clooney.

How real is the Bible?  Have someone pick up a Bible and smash you in the face really hard with it.  Then tell me if it is real.

Is there good in the world?  Unless you are lactose intolerant, ice cream is pretty good.

Is there evil in the world?  If you are lactose intolerant than ice cream could be.

Should Church and State be separate?  Church.  C h u r c h.     State.  S t a t e.   Yes they are spelled different and separately.

Is there really such a thing as evolution?  No.  We are all little tiny atoms with unbelievable imaginations.

How powerful is the Pope?  I am not sure how much can he bench press?  Find that out and you will know.

How can one avoid sin?  Never say the word or think about it.

If you have any questions that need answers just write me.  I have a lot of time on my hands and need a good laugh.

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Blast for 150 mbps

How  Internet Providers help  “concerned” consumers get the speed  they are paying for by using the “Concerned Department which provides help and refunds!!!  This is the true chat room conversation.

Had a “concern” with my internet provider. Hope you enjoy the conversation: EDWARD: My Issue: http://results.speedtest.comcast.net/result/1179 After many hours/days this is last result of my internet speed. I am paying for 150mbps

user EDWARD has entered room

analyst Rahul has entered room

Rahul: Hello EDWARD_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Rahul. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Rahul: I understand the problem you’ve described and am happy to work with you to get this resolved ASAP! Thanks, let’s get started.

EDWARD: I was told the “concern” dept. would reimburse me for lost speed. I talked to friends on the phone and no one is getting what they are paying for.

Rahul: Just to ensure that I have understood the issue correctly, your internet is running . Is that correct?

Rahul: Running slow**

EDWARD: So we decided to take our “concern” to social media. Asking anyone with this “concern” to post their results.

EDWARD: There fore compiling a “concern” department of our own to fix this slow expensive speed we are paying for.

Rahul: My apologies for your continued frustration. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to help resolve your issue. I’m sure we can work together to get this resolved for you as soon as possible.

EDWARD: do you think this will fix our “concern” and slow speed that comes from “Pittsburg” we believe for the “whole state of Pa.

EDWARD: Ha Thank you for giving me the opportunity to help resolve your issue. I’m sure we can work together to get this resolved for you as soon as possibleve been working almost 3 days and many hours and the only result I get is:

EDWARD: Ha is correct

Rahul: Edward, when did this issue start and did you perform any troubleshooting steps prior to this chat?

EDWARD: about 2 months ago

Rahul: May I know what all trouble shoot you have done prior to this chat ?

EDWARD: actually earlier when I “upgraded” to blast

EDWARD: after all this time you still do not know what I have done

EDWARD: I like the word “viral concern” for our new internet speed department

EDWARD: My wiifi speed is 14 mbps little slower than 150 also

Rahul: Edward, Are you connected wired or wireless?

EDWARD: My fellow retired veterans on disability are also getting into my “concern idea”

EDWARD: the list is growing as I type hope my other computer I am on doesn’t crash because of my slow internet speed. How is your concern dept doing on this

EDWARD: Oh I am very very very wired;

Rahul: Thanks for confirming. Would you know if the modem is going straight to a coax outlet or a splitter?

EDWARD: How do you not know this after a few months of this

Rahul: Edward, unfortunately I do not have access with your old chats right now.

EDWARD: Ansewered this question for multiple “concerned” chat workers

EDWARD: whatr did I answer then

Rahul: I would ask few question from you so that we can do some trouble shoot with this issue. Will this be fine for you ?

EDWARD: Nor the “concern”

EDWARD: How many people are being scammed by this

EDWARD: I’m getting quite a few, oh look there is another one coming on my blog

Rahul: I understand how frustrating this might be, I apologize for the inconvenience.

Rahul: Rest assured I will do everything within my means to address your concern today.

Rahul: To help us identify the cause of the issue and the correct steps to take, would it be fine to ask you a few questions?

EDWARD: Can’t count on that at all heard it over a dozen times.

EDWARD: The same ones I have been answering for days. oc mac 001DD56D9AS42 now how did I know you would need this

EDWARD: getting more feed back on my “concern blog” they like the Ha remark you made

Rahul: Edward, Is there a splitter or power strip/surge connected in between the modem and the wall outlet?

EDWARD: Let me guess don’t turn off my chat you are going to shut me down, and oh yeah the technical people are concerned about the outage also

EDWARD: No no no no no no/.

Rahul: Edward, Please do not worry I am not going to turn off your connection, I will also inform you before I trouble shoot from here.

EDWARD: I am starting to enjoy all the followers I am getting. They love this

Rahul: Could you please check Is there a splitter or power strip/surge connected in between the modem and the wall outlet?

EDWARD: No no no no no no look it up in the “concern dictionary” it is a negative word means something like NO!

Rahul: EDWARD, did you receive my previous message ?

EDWARD: followers liked that the capital NO

Rahul: Edward, it is directly connected to wall outlet

EDWARD: Yes the answer was no. I believe this is gong to confuse you more, you can read?

Rahul: I got confused because you said no for both the options.

Rahul: Thanks for confirming.

EDWARD: “Concerned” followers are taking a pool on if you will understand this

EDWARD: And we have a winner

Rahul: Edward, I am going to refresh the modem and send signals to the device. This may boost signals and improve the speed of the connection.

Rahul: Just a heads up, you maybe disconnected from this chat while I perform the steps. Please do not close this chat, you will be reconnected once the modem initializes. This may just take 2-3 minutes, please keep this chat window open.

EDWARD: Wow the follower in Philadelphia just sent me the same answer you did

EDWARD: this chat In its entirety will be copy and pasted to any social media I can find.

user EDWARD_ has left room

user EDWARD has entered room

Rahul: Welcome back.

Rahul: Edward, I would request you to please check your internet speed after 30 seconds.

EDWARD: My “concerned” fortune teller now says that you will send a message that says”Edward, I would request you to please check your internet speed after 30 seconds.

EDWARD: Then ask me to copy the URL

EDWARD: well do I have to copy the URL?

Rahul: Edward, I can understand your frustration I would request you to please cooperate with me so that we can do trouble shoot to make this done.

Rahul: No, I will not required the URL

Rahul: Could you please check what speed you are getting now.

EDWARD: I am concerned about you. You are doing a good job The company you work for executives make tons more than you will ever see I am on you side

EDWARD: Be honest every time I was asked to copy that. You know you will need it. That is what I started the chat with so you already have the results.

EDWARD: They have not changed but actually dropped a point or two

EDWARD: so what is my “CONCERN” now

Rahul: Edward, what I will do here is I will escalate this issue to our advance technical team and arrange a call back with resolution on higher priority.

Rahul: Will this be fine for you ?

EDWARD: Too late.

EDWARD: See you on Facebook.

EDWARD: Don’t bother to call I am tired of all this and concerned the cow dung you will try to give me on the phone will just “concern” me more.

EDWARD: Thanks do not take this personally Rahul I admire your patient and time and you said and did everything to not solve the problem like you were trained to do because your bosses are just not “concerned” about you or any of your fellow workers that do this on a hourly and daily basis. They do not pay you enough. Thanks and God bless.

results.speedtest.comcast.net
Chumly Manka

No Brainer ; No Brains

A young child reads  a news article.  “Planes bomb  terrorists in retaliation for attacks on Paris and other parts of the world.  Terrorists claim that these attacks killed civilians and these retaliation bombings are inhumane, unacceptable and evil to all the people in the world.”  The child mused, ” I do not understand why the terrorists are so angry.  Especially since all they do is target and  kill civilians like me, my family and friends?  Why are they not inhumane, unacceptable and evil?  Is it like being taught in church that the really weak can kill easily, while being brave means turning the other cheek?  Did other religious leaders hold guns to peoples heads and say, “Recite what is in my holy book or I will kill you?”  Why do soldiers that fight terrorist not cover their faces?  They are not afraid to be seen I guess.  Do Terrorists cover their faces because they are afraid to be seen or recognized and are ashamed because of what they do?   Why do soldiers that protect me are always in the open, while Terrorists always hide?  My grandparents told me if you have to hide it is because you are ashamed or doing something wrong.  My one friend was made fun of because he would hit other kids then run before they could hit him back.  No one really thought very good of him.  Why do the terrorist believe the world should live in fear and hate?  While  I say the world should live in love and harmony?   My one teacher went to a country to help dig wells so the people there  could have water. She came back and told us that when they asked the Terrorists to help the Terrorists just poisoned the well.  Why are all the adults listening to the terrorists and not the children like me?”

Blank

Fearing the blank.  Lots of people do this.  A writer staring at a blank page to fill.  A radio or TV show facing blank air space.  Artists agonizing inside their  blank minds wondering what to paint.

What is in my mind is that there is this line or word that will connects the artist.  Which may spark  the need to create, the want to create or just spontaneous creativity.

These smoldering ideas are there in us all but stronger in some than others of course.  Creativity and just what that is could be examined.  If a taxi driver discovers a new and better route.  Then is he being as creative as one who pens a new novel?  A baker with a better bagel?  An athlete or dancer with a new move or step?  Who are the artists?  Why do all these blank corners we fear exist?

So all must push on thru the blank.  Un-blank our foggy minds.  Clear up and use all our words, colors, ideas and actions. Let us stride on to whatever future blank will be thrown in front of us.  Fill in all the blanks.  Yet!  Make sure there will be plenty of blank left for future generations.  Which I am sure there blankety  blank will be.

Head Stories.

Sometimes people make up head stories.  Something will happen and their imagination goes wildly astray.  Jealousy is a big spark that gets the head stories going.  When someone is in lust especially.  Not love.  Lust.  A husband that cheats on his wife or a wife that lands a lover here and there.  Head stories galore make everyone suspect. Make sure the head story explains that it is all good and ok, even though it is not.   Unfortunately crime shows on TV show the results of these head stories.  Head stories grow lies amongst friends that would never lie to each other.  Why?  To keep the story going I guess.    Greed is a good head story.  Getting more for less or hardly nothing at all is the goal to this one.  Amazing how a friend will Ponzi another friend for a buck.  Then there are the Religion, political, and those half hour long advertisements on TV that will sell you anything your soul can buy.  How?  Head stories.  You got to have it or you will never be a friend of a Kardashian.  What stories do you store in your head?  Me.  I am like everyone else sometimes.  I have good stories and bad stories too.  I do tend to like love stories and stories that show people are good and truthful to each other.  Well.  I call them stories.  Others think they are fairy tales.

ARKS

Noah’s was not the first Ark on Earth.  Actually that is how the Aliens brought most of the stuff we have here on earth.  By Arks.  Unfortunately for Earth they were garbage Arks.  That is, things that the Aliens did not want on their planet.

Insect Arks were the first.  There were more than two of each, believe me.  Somehow they got them all on these Arks using Hugh sucking machines.  The Aliens did not want to kill them just get rid of them.  So the Aliens  sucked them off their planet.  Then they came to Earth and ejected them all over our planet.  Leaving their planet insect free.  So, since that worked so well they filled some more Arks with things like:

Unwanted animals, plants, and other species like well, humans.  All kinds of humans.  White, yellow, black, brown, red and mixed colors that got mixed while they were traveling to Earth.  Which is an entirely different story altogether.

How they got these humans was basically a practice of collecting them from all over then studying them on their planet.  Somehow they got too many because they began breeding and on and on.  So eventually they had too many and wanted to get rid of them.  Which also explains why every now and then they came back to check on how they were doing.  Like taking medical samples and putting tracking chips in them.

Therefore after the first Ark ended up with mixed colors.  The Aliens began bringing humans in separate colored Arks them dumping them.  Black Arks mostly landed in what is know as Africa.  Yellow Arks Asia.  White Arks Europe and that is what happened.  To also help stop the breeding while traveling to Earth the Aliens had the Adam, for males Arks and the Eve Arks for women.

It must be noted after dropping them off.  The Aliens did not care too much of the breeding’s that took place.   Just tracking them and they liked to watch them, like I pointed out earlier.

Recently they began dropping other animals like Bigfeet, Yeti’s, Justin Beavers, Lady Gog Gog’s, Talk show hosts and the Affleck men and ducks.

Waking up!

His days were pretty much mundane and routine.  Nothing exciting, kept it mostly on an even keel.  He had friends but was still pretty much a loner.  He could go to movies by himself.  Never gave it a second thought to go to a restaurant alone.  Liked riding his motorcycle or going for scenic drives in his car.  He was not dating but would share short phone calls and coffee with women who were his friends, not lovers.  He did not want any physical relationships anymore.  His romantic life was full of disasters, some adultery and at the end he suffered the losses.  His life therefore was more or less going thru the motions.

He would say he was ok but mostly he was drowning and did not know it.

He had a friend he helped a lot.  She was more like a sister or relative.  Did not think of her much but was there for her when ever she needed him.  He was friends with a “brother” he rode with.  One day that “brother” was gone.  Aneurism.  Sudden.  Descending him and her into a longing grief.  He helped her with the struggles of her loss and unwanted emptiness.  The “brother” that died was the husband of the sister like relative, friend he helped.  He helped her because he thought it was duty to this suddenly deceased friend.  This lasted for 5 years.

Then one day he woke up.  He felt……lonely.    “What the hell is this,” he thought, only using stronger language in his head.  I thought I was happy.  No one bothered me and I did not bother anyone.  “What the fig.”  Then he looked up at the person he was taking to.  It was her.  His friend he helped and then the white flash of love encased him.  He was enlightened.  Confused and frightened,  he kept it to himself and now he was really suffering.  His dilemma surfaced.  If I tell her of these new found feelings will I lose her?

He told her.  Their friendship was stronger than he imagined.  She was flattered but still not ready for any kind of relationship. They stayed friends and began to spend more time together.  That was the thing.  They were getting to know each other in a more cerebral way.  Before he confessed his new found feelings  they did not hug when saying goodbye after a visit.   Now they did.  His very long drowning life became more like floating.  He was now accepting more and more of something he had lost long ago some people would call…….feelings.  His death was over now and his life was just beginning anew.

Her days were pretty much mundane and routine…………………………….